If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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