Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
