none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
