The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
