4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
