I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
