a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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