also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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