Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
