It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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