wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
