Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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