i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
