Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
