you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
