You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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