I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
