So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
