Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My feet surprised me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
