Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
