Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
