i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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