Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
