I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
