And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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