I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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