So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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