my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
