I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
