i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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