I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
