I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't turn off my feet"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
