Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
