I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
