So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
