After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
