I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
