Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
