fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
