i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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