nut hugger
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
