thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
