gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
