I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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