so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
