It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
