He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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