After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
