The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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