White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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