you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
