we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
