hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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