Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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