you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
