capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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