but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
