I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
