Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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