Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
