no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
