That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
