these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
