Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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