quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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