oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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