i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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