i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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