new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize