FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
