yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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