I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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