I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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