I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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