He kissed a someone with a penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
