Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
