Non-Jews are for practice
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
