I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
