i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
