When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize