Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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