she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
