at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
