Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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