am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
