you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
