You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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