Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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